I’ve been in Seattle for the past week and its been lovely to be at my old stomping grounds. I’ve been applying for jobs like a mad woman but there is just not a lot of work out there. It can be a very frustrating process if you let it; so far, I’ve managed to maintain a pretty positive outlook. It’s easier to stay positive when most of the jobs I’m applying for I don’t really want anyway. Sure, some income would be nice, but I’m having a bit of an identity crisis and rethinking my career in social services. I find the work satisfying and motivating but as anyone in social services knows the work can be draining, stressful and emotionally exhausting. I’m just not sure I want that anymore. And yet, I’m not sure what I want to pursue and have been thinking deeply about what my true passions are and how I could relate them to employment I’m not there yet, but I think this is just one of life’s never ending struggles.
My sister sent me an article today written by a nurse who had been at many deathbeds and the top 5 regrets she witnessed.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in what I should be doing versus what I want to do. It’s hard to not get wrapped up in the mainstream ideals of happiness even though they are not usually in line with what I want.
The one that really speaks to me right now is number 5. It really is a choice to be happy and I don’t want to look back on these years with regret that I was stressed rather than enjoying my freedom. Even though I’m unemployed I’m not broke (yet). Even though I don’t have an apartment I’m so lucky to have a support system and connections. Even though I don’t have work I have the much desired freedom that I’ve always dreamt of. And so, I will choose happiness and not let this horrendous economy and job outlook effect my mood and happiness. All my life I day dreamed about being free from school and work and now I am living it, doesn’t it make sense to embrace it?